shrug {lrh}

october 21, 2014

i woke up around nine and i remembered that i still had homework. i shot off of the couch and rushed to my room. i quickly opened my backpack to get to my planner.

i had social studies, language arts, and science homework. i was actually good at language arts so i did that first. i finished it rather quickly and moved on to social studies.

i finished all of my work an hour later.

"finally," i muttered to myself and threw my books in the general area that my backpack was in. i fell back onto my bed and sprawled out like a starfish. i stared up at my ceiling while i thought about sleeping because i had nothing else to do but i wasn't very tired. i knew i shouldn't have taken that nap. i absentmindedly patted my full stomach; it was so weird to not be just a little bit hungry.

after a few minutes of just sitting and doing nothing i decided to go and take a shower. i grabbed some pajamas and headed out to the bathroom.

«»

i was wearing fuzzy pajama pants that were baggy and covered in teddy bears. for a girl who only wears black it was pretty weird to be wearing pink pants with bears on them. i curled up in my bed and pulled my hair into a loose side braid. i cuddled up with my pillow and got on my phone. i played around on my phone before i eventually fell asleep.

«»

october 22, 2014

my alarm clock went off the next morning and I groaned and buried my face into my pillow.

"sweetie," my mother called as she opened my door, "you have to get up."

"no," i mumbled.

"come on," she sighed and walked over to me.

"okay, okay, i'm going," i muttered and rolled out of bed. i changed into my normal attire and stomped downstairs.

"why do you wear that every day?" my mother asked and frowned.

"what?" i asked, confused. normally she was fine with my clothes.

"that flannel," she gestured to me.

"it's dad's," i muttered defensively.

"alexa, honey, i know that you miss
him but he's not going to come back."

"yes he is!" i said a bit too loudly. we had this argument almost weekly and i always cried way too fucking much.

"alexa," she said calmly.

"he promised he would!"

"he promised he would twelve years ago! he made a lot of promises but he broke all of them!"

"he promised you! he broke all of the promises he gave you! he kept in touch with me until i turned sixteen so excuse me for still thinking he will come back!" i had tears brimming my eyes and i tried to wipe them away without smearing my makeup.

"you need to get it through your head that he's not coming back!" she yelled.

i glared at her before grabbing my stuff and storming out. of course, it was pouring down rain. it had been raining all night and hadn't stopped.

i crossed my arms and kept my head down as i walked. i wiped my face repeatedly because it was wet and i couldn't tell if it was from tears or from the rain. probably both.

a few moments after i stormed out i heard a car drive up beside me.

"do you want me to drive you the rest of the way?" my mother shouted through the open window.