shrug {lrh}

october 20, 2014

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i looked at my reflection in the mirror. i really hated how i looked. i had pale skin, awful dirty-blonde hair, my nose was too small, my eyes were a dull grey, and the light freckles on my cheeks were just weird.

i sighed to myself before pulling on black jeans and a grey nirvana shirt. i then began to search through my closet for my red flannel. when i finally retrieved it from the mess that was my closet i frowned. the color was faded and it was too big for me because it was my dad's.

my dad had left my mom and me when i was only seven. he tried to keep in touch with me but, of course, failed. he always said he would never leave his pretty little girl but he did. everyone always leaves, eventually.

"alexa! where's all the milk?!" my mother shouted.

"calm down!" i yelled back, "it fucking expired so i threw it away!"

"first of all; it had a week to go before it would expired. second of all; put twenty-five cents in the swear jar!"

i rolled my eyes and grabbed a quarter.

i trudged downstairs and stood in front of the half empty ball jar; i cussed a lot.

"i'm gonna go to work now, honey," she muttered and kissed my cheek.

"have fun," i grumbled.

"oh, i will!" she grinned and walked out. she was always so perky; something i had never been and never will be.

i grabbed an apple before gathering my school stuff and left. i had to walk to school because we were too poor to own two cars and my mom worked three jobs so she needed her's.

i kept my head down and stared at my ratty black vans as i walked. the air was a little chilly even though it was only october. it got really cold really fast in north dakota.

i finally reached the hellhole known as my high school. god, this place was horrible. the only thing anyone cared about was how much money you had, what clubs or sports you did, and what you wore. the big thing was the money.

my problem was that no one liked me. i didn't have money, i didn't have a dad, i didn't like what everyone else liked, and i dressed differently. i always wore band tees, black jeans, the same shoes, a crappy flannel, and i never did anything with my hair.

i stepped into the large building and ignored the stares i got. people liked to stare at me like i was a foreign creature. i ran a hand through my thick hair as i thought, here goes another day.

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i walked into the cafeteria and instantly started scanning the room for an empty table. i always felt like a new student who didn't have any friends. the only difference was that i had been going to school with these people for twelve years.

i walked through the capacious room and spotted a table. it was empty except for one boy sitting there. i had never seen him before. the first thing i noticed were his eyes. he had these bright, ocean blue eyes that you could stare at forever. i always noticed the little things about people. like, if one strand of hair stood up or if they had short fingers. i know, it's weird but i liked the small details about people.

"can i sit here?" i asked softly.

he nervously glanced up from his sketchbook before looking back down.

i furrowed my eyebrows as i sat down across from him. i put my brown bag on the table and pulled out my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. this was the only thing i had to eat. i hated the cheap bread and the crappy jelly but it was what i had and i couldn't complain.