shrug {lrh}

january 12, 2015

"d-dad?" i squeaked.

"yeah, al, it's me," he replied, "how are y-" i hung up before he could finish speaking. my breathing turned rapid and jagged, i couldn't think straight. my thoughts were a jumbled mess and my body was shaking. i fumbled with my phone as i attempted to dial luke's number.

"hi alexa," luke said when he answered.

"my dad called," i blurted out.

"wait what?!"

"m-my dad...h-he called," i choked out. it was getting harder for me to breathe and i could feel tears stinging my eyes.

"hold on. i'll be home as soon as i can."

"you don't have to," i sniffled.

"i'm coming," he said sternly.

«»

when he got to me i was curled up, breathing deeply so i wouldn't start hyperventilating.

"what happened?" luke asked quickly as he wrapped his arms around me.

"m-my dad called a-and - shit he's calling again!" i jumped away from my phone, my breathing turning rapid again.

"calm down," luke soothed, "i think you should talk to him."

"but...but..." i spluttered.

"c'mon," he softly urged. he picked up my phone and placed it in my shaking hands. i cleared my throat before answering it.

"h-hi," i stammered.

"hey al," my dad replied calmly.

"hi," i repeated.

"um, what're you doing?" all of the panic and fear vanished and it was replaced with anger.

"you're kidding me, right?" i asked incredulously.

"no?"

"you don't talk to me for two years and all you have to ask me is 'what's up?!'" i shrieked. i got up and stormed outside so if i started shouting no one would be irritated by it.

"al, i'm just trying to make this normal," he sighed.

"i don't know if you've noticed but our relationship isn't exactly normal," i spat.

"al, please, just-"

"no! you can't ignore me for two years and then come back with 'what's up?'"

"i didn't ignore you," he growled.

"yes you did! i called, i texted, i left voicemails, everything! i tried everything and all i got was lame excuses until you just stopped talking to me!"

"it was for your own good," he sighed.

"what the fuck," i laughed humorlessly, "how was it good for me? i grew up without a father and then all of a sudden he just dropped off the face of the earth!"

"i didn't want to...i thought...i didn't want to hurt you."

"well you should have thought about this whole 'not hurting me thing' before you left us!"

"don't bring that up right n-"

"hell, you should of thought about that before you fucking hit me!"

"i was drunk!" now his voice was raising as well.

"that's a shitty excuse! you came home drunk plenty times before but did you ever touch me? no. it was your choice to hurt me, not the alcohol."