The Little Black Book For Guys: Guys Talk About Sex

CONDOMS at the Minimum

Myke Anderson

Right away we want to talk about condoms. Condoms are one of our main tools to protect us against HIV/AIDS and other STIs. If you are sexually active, always using a condom greatly reduces your risk of catching nasty infections and helps prevent pregnancy, too. But you gotta know how to use it.

When you don’t use a condom properly, it doesn’t protect you properly, so knowing how it’s done is as important as having condoms around.

Part of using condoms correctly is knowing what NOT to do:

• Do NOT store condoms in a place that gets really hot or cold. Too much exposure to heat can damage a condom, making it more likely to rip or even leaving holes in it. So don’t keep a condom in your wallet; after a summer in your back pocket, that condom might as well have been kept in a sauna. And don’t keep condoms in your car: it’s an oven in the summer and a freezer in the winter.

• Do NOT use expired condoms. A condom has an expiry date, just like milk, written on its wrapper.  Check that the date hasn’t passed before you use the condom.

• Do NOT use a condom that is too tight. A condom should be snug, but not so tight that it might tear easily. Friction can cause a too-tight condom to break. There are condoms out there for every single dick size and shape. Find a brand and size that fits you well BEFORE you really, really need one.

• Do NOT use a condom that is too loose. Loose condoms slip off, duh. So don’t buy the extra-large size just for your ego.

• Do NOT leave it behind. Soon after you cum, pull out but hold on to the base of the condom as you do. As your dick gets soft again, that condom is going to get looser.

• Do NOT use a condom without proper lubrication. Lubrication (or lube) is important to help to reduce friction.

Most condoms are already lubricated, but you can also buy lube products separately. But never ever use oil-based lubes with a condom. Oil eats through latex. Condoms with holes in them don’t work. (See “YouLube” in Chapter 3, pages 105–106, for more info.)

• Do NOT use condoms that contain spermicides (such as nonoxynol-9) because they can numb or irritate the mouth, vagina, or anus. Numbing or irritation can increase your chances of getting an STI. Again, see pages 105–106.

• Do NOT double up. Wearing two or more condoms on your penis at the same time does not give you more protection—IT GIVES YOU LESS PROTECTION! There is more friction between two condoms so they’re more likely to break. It’s the same deal if your partner is using a female condom: a condom on your penis as well will only cause more friction. One condom at a time, fellas.

• Do NOT double dip. Don’t try to re-use a condom for a 2nd round—use a fresh one even if you didn’t cum in round 1.

• Do NOT continue to use latex condoms if they irritate your skin or your partner’s skin. Some people are allergic to latex. The good news is that you can find non-latex condoms in the stores. The bad news is that they have disadvantages over latex condoms. The most common non-latex condoms are made from polyurethane, but the stuff is more likely to break than latex. You can also buy condoms made from lamb skin, but they only protect you from pregnancy; they do not protect you from HIV/AIDS and other STIs.

So…

1. know what kind of condom to use

2. know how to use it

3. and use one EVERY TIME!

See “Wrapped Sausages” in Chapter 5, pages 206–208, for more info about how to put on a condom.