The Little Black Book For Guys: Guys Talk About Sex

An Unsettled Mind

Anonymous, 18

I am gay. As much as I would like to fully express myself to society, it is often very hard for me because of the experiences I had growing up in the Caribbean. I always knew that I wanted to be with men, but where I grew up, it was (and still is) said to be wrong. I was always taught that it’s sick, perverted, sinful, and abnormal to feel an intense love for someone of my own sex. But even in my youngest days, I always played with the boys and never had an interest in girls. As I got older, the one friend who I would always talk to was a guy. He eventually became my partner.

We were together for four years while I attended highschool. Our relationship was a secret because the fingerpointing and threats were too much for me to handle. But our secret must have been discovered, because he was gruesomely murdered for being gay. I had to flee my country, fearing for my own life.

Even in countries where being gay is more accepted, it not easy to discover that you are gay. There are always people, even your friends, who make it very clear what they think being gay by telling terrible jokes, promoting hurtful stereotypes, and spreading hateful misinformation. It’s no wonder that you might choose to hide your same-sex feelings from others. You might even try to hide them from yourself. 

The big question is “Am I normal?” Well guess what, yes, you are normal. There have always been people who are attracted to members of their own sex, regardless of whether not this was accepted by their society. But it’s not right that anyone should have to suppress their real feelings because this prejudice. It’s normal and healthy to be yourself, whether you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual. I don’t believe people decide who they fall in love with. I didn’t choose to be gay; it’s simply who I am.

I just wish I could always be myself without ever being A F R A I D.