The Oleander Woman [Free Space Series #1]

CHAPTER 34: Inside Thoughts

"I'm jealous." Her stoic and unreadable expression on her face is nowhere to be found anymore.

She sounds so bitter while saying those words.

"The way she touches you—the way you let her touch you in your hand, cheeks, and waist I'm.. I'm jealous."

Nagsimulang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

"Why are you letting her do that to you? Hmm? Why are you letting her touch you?"

Naramdaman ko ang paglapit niya saakin. Nanatili akong nakatalikod at hindi gumagalaw. Pero ganoon nalang ang pagtaas ng mga balahibo ko nang maramdamang yakapin niya ako.

Madiin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko. I can feel my tears rolling down my cheeks. Please.. God.. have mercy..

"The way you danced at her awhile ago, the way you look at her, the way the people cheer at the two of you I.. don't like it." Mas humigpit ang yakap niya. "I don't like the idea of you looking at her. The idea of her holding your hands and waist like you're hers. I don't like it."

We've been standing in silence for what feels like forever.

But I know... I know nothing will happen if I let this continue.

"Why?" I manage a whisper. "Why are you doing this?"

"I already told you, it's because I'm jealous, Tamg. I don't like the way she-"

"But you don't have the right to be jealous." I pushed her hands away and turned around to look at her, uncaring for the few wet tears rolling down my cheeks. "Right?"

I received no answer, so I continued.

"You..." I start, finding myself staring right through her eyes. "You left. You left me. Right?"

"We both know the reason why I did that. It's because your father pushed me away from you."

"That did not change the fact that you obeyed him—that you chose to listen to him more than you should be listening to your girlfriend." I said, my voice full of bitterness. "You chose to leave me even though you know how many times I beg you not to. P'wede mo naman akong ipaglaban katulad ng ginawa ko. I chose to fight for us. Even though.. even though you cut all of our connections. Alam mo ba kung gaano ako nasaktan pagtapos malaman na blinock mo ako? Inunfollow sa lahat ng socials ko? Alam mo ba? Do you have any idea how hurt I am that time?"

My heart is beating wildly in my chest. Too much emotion. Too much pressure. The air feels so heavy. I cannot breathe properly.

"I..." I feel the words getting stuck in my throat. "I was forced to celebrate my 18th birthday without you. Ikaw dapat ang kasayaw ko nung mga oras na yun. Hindi ang mga kaibigan ko, hindi ang mga tito ko, hindi si papa, kundi ikaw. It's supposed to be you, Kaori. Not anyone else—but YOU."

Heart beating wildly in my chest, I continued.

"I was hoping you would message me a happy birthday. I was hoping to receive a letter from you, but none of it happens." I chuckled. Hindi makapaniwala na dadating ang araw na masasabi ko ang mga bagay na ito sa kaniya. "Funny, isn't it? Paulit-ulit kong pinapanindigan sa harap nila Papa at Mama na mahal kita. Na.. na totoo yung mayroon sa ating dalawa. Na.. hindi lang tayo parang mga batang naglalaro. Pero ikaw.. hindi mo manlang ako nagawang ipaglaban."

"You know how much I love you."

"And yet you left me." I can't help but laugh at that, harsh and wet and loud, almost more of a bark. "Tell me. Am I not worth the risk? Mahirap ba akong ipaglaban? Mahirap ba, Kaori?"

"No. please, I... you're worth the risk, Tamg. You're worth more than anything in this world."

"And yet you left me." I shook my head, full of disappointment.