Chapter 19
Doug:
Cathy we need to talk
Hindi alam ni Cathy kung alam ba ng mga taong nagtetext ng ganito yung feeling ng taong sinesendan nila Hindi ba nila alam na nakakakaba makakuha ng ganitong message? Anong paguusapan natin? May masamang nangyari ba? Tapos na ba ang lahat? Aalis ka ba? Ano?
Pero wala kang magagawa kung hindi maparanoid at hintayin kung kalian ba yung lecheng 'talk' na yan at tapos ano? Kapag nagusap kayo masasaktan ka ulit. Ha. Ironic.
Kinabukasan, nagplanong magkita si Doug at si Cathy, sa likod ng library, para walang makakita at walang makarinig. Noong una walang gusting magsalita, walang gustong magsimula.
Paano mo nga ba sisimulan ang isang usapang hahantong sa katapusan?
"Cathy... alam kong alam mo na ang gusto kong sabihin." Simula ni Doug. Napatingin na lang si Cathy sa kanya, oo alam na niya pero hindi ba niya pwedeng sabihin deretso sa mukha niya? Para magsink in kay Cathy na 'Oo, walang pag-asa'.
"I... I love Bella." Cathy knows, hindi na kailangan paulit-ulitin pa ni Doug.
"Alam ko, hindi mo kailangan paulit-ulitin." Cathy coldly replied.
"I—Okay. I've been with Bella all my life. From the moment I learned my ABCs to my puberty, she's there with me. She has always been a big part of my life, and I can't... I can't lose her Cathy."
So ako okay lang? Cathy thought to herself, but she remained silent kasi alam na niya anong sagot.
"Lahat ng araw ko kasama ko siya, siya ang nagsisimula sa good morning niya, at nagtatapos sa mga good night niya. Walang araw na hindi ko siya kakausapin, o kasama, o mamahalin. And it was not easy, Cathy. She was insecure because she knows we are not soulmates, at alam naman natin na sa Universe A kailangan magkatuluyan ng soulmates, kailangan. But I promised... I told Bella that I will fight for her as long as she's willing to fight with me too."
Sana lahat hindi ba? Sana may lumalaban din para sa akin hindi yung ako lang mag-isa dito, isip ni Cathy.
"And this is really hard because I've been battling with my heart and my soul. My soul needs you, but my heart longs for Bella and I—I had to make a choice, hindi pwedeng dalawa kayong masasaktan. Kasi nasasaktan ka kapag kasama ko siya at nasasaktan siya kapag kasama kita. Ang hirap sobra, Cathy." Dagdag pa ni Doug.
"Pero hindi ko kasalanan, Doug... bakit parang kasalanan ko na nahihirapan ka? Eh nahihirapan din ako?" sagot ni Cathy.
"I'm not saying it's your fault. None of this is your fault. Ako pa ang may kasalanan kasi ang tigas ng ulo ko, ang tigas ng ulo ko na pilit kong nilalabanan ang kapalaran... but Cathy...."
Nagbuntong hininga si Doug, ramdam ng soul ni Cathy kung gaano nahihirapan yung soul ni Doug and it makes her sad too pero ano bang dapat niyang gawin?
"I fell in love, Cathy. I can't explain how much I love, Bella. Hindi ko kayang iput into words kung gaano ko siya kamahal kasi nararamdaman ko na lang, and I know how much I love her. And it's my fault probably, it's my fault na I'm meant to be with someone but I chose to pursue her, to risk, and now maraming nahihirapan... but... I just fell in love. Ganon ba talaga kalaki ang kasalanan ko?"
Natahimik silang dalawa. Walang maisagot si Cathy dahil alam naman niyang walang masama sa mainlove. Nagkataon nga lang na dito sa Universe nila nalilimitahan ang choices nila sa kung sino ang iibigin.
"Isn't this ironic. This Universe created 'soulmates' kasi that soulmate is someone you're most compatible with. This was supposed to make everything easy kasi may taong nakalaan sa'yo, hindi mo na kailangan maghanap, hindi mo na kailangan magpaloko sa iba at masaktan bago makita si 'The One'. Pero bakit ganoon? Bakit ganon Doug? Bakit biglang ang hirap na? Bakit ang bigat na?" Hindi na napigilan ni Cathy, umiyak na siya. At kahit pinigilan ni Doug na wag siyang lapitan at yakapin because his soul is going to get a bit more attached to her soul, the pull was stronger than his brain, so he hugged her. Hugged her like it was the last time they're supposed to hug, hugged her as if his soul is saying goodbye to her soul, hugged her as if his hug can erase everything and can relay the apology he wants to say.
Doug knows he's at fault. Pilit niya kasing nilalaban ang destiny, fate, genetics at kung ano mang sangkap dito sa pagiging 'soulmate'. Pilit niyang pinapatunayan na kaya niya, kaya nila ni Bella.
"I'm really sorry Cathy. I'm sorry that you're destined to be with me. I'm not much. Hindi ako sobrang talino, hindi ako sobrang yaman, oo gwapo ako— (Cathy had to laugh)—but ang greatest asset ko... is I'm loyal. I can love fiercely... and I'm sorry if nainlove ako sa iba bago kita makilala. I'm sorry Cathy. Pero hindi ko kayang iunlove si Bella just because I found you. I'm really sorry. I hope you understand."
And deep inside, Cathy understands. She understands everything kaya masakit. She understands that Bella tried so hard to not fall for Doug kasi hindi sila soulmates. She understands that Doug is not at fault because he only fell in love. She understands na walang may kasalanan, it's just fate playing with them. It's a glitch in the system. You're supposed to fall in love with your soulmate, pero walang may alam kung paano na nga kung nainlove na sila sa iba.
It's painful, but she understands.
Besides, ano pa bang choice niya? Wala na. Wala na kung hindi tiisin na yung taong nakatadhana na nga sa kanya eh may mahal nang iba.
