Searching- A saga ✔

27- Who can keep Him away?

Each second compounds

My inner turmoil.

So many emotions.

So many feelings.

Like huge waves of tsunami,

Crashing onto the shores,

Of my mind, incessantly.

Happiness, excitement, confusion,

Betrayal, anger, bitterness,

Jealousy, greed, fear,

And then love...

Have you ever felt all these 

At one particular moment?

I am drowning in these, Kanha

Drowning.

But the sad thing is-

I like it. I like the pain

Because it gives me an excuse

To suffer. It's satisfying

Somehow. Sadistic.

Sleep eludes me.

And emotions play around.

I welcome the pain,

That comes with it.

Somewhere from afar

I see an outline

Of someone approaching.

Unmistakable.

With a flute and peacock feathers.

Ah! There He is.

He opens His arms to me.

I turn away, tears leaking 

"Go away", I tell Him.

"This is my battle"

The cool zephyr caresses.

And the wind whispers.

"I can't let you suffer"

I laugh lifelessly.

And begin to walk away.

Even though each atom within

Objects and repels,

Yet I walk away from Him...

I can hear Him call.

This pain is unbearable.

But I walk away unfazed,

And tell Him-

"I am not ready yet, kanha.

Give me time.

Time, cruel and fleeting ,

I need time to tame

My emotions and feelings,

And also myself,

I need time, Milord,

Time to digest all this,

This life and agony ...

And the satisfaction...

I have to Go this once, Kanha...

But someday I'll come back

Searching"

When I look back,

I see tears in His eyes too.

It pains me,

But I welcome the pain,

And continue on....